Registering Wisely

A friend of mine once told me, "I really don't want to register. It's too much like begging." That's not the way it's supposed to feel. In addition to helping your guests get a picture of your tastes, it more importantly takes the guesswork out of gift giving for the guests! It also allows you and your husband-to-be discuss your tastes, preferences, and dream of your new life together.

Couples enter into their union at different stages. You may be the straight-out-of-college bride, who usually owns very few useful or lasting possessions. You might be on a second marriage. Or you and/or your groom may have already achieved financial stability and each possess your own goods, making registering for traditional items unnecessary.

To offer some guidance on the registration process, I propose the following Top Ten List to help you muddle through the overwhelming choices when it comes to registering:

1. Take an inventory of what you have and what you want. Before you endure the sometimes painful process of registering, figure out what you need. If you already have a full kitchen and dining room, you may want to think about other household needs that are less traditional: patio furniture, tools, electronic equipment, etc. Home Depot, Target, and Best Buy all allow you to register and help bring the men into the process! Which brings me to my next point...
2. Include your husband-to-be in the process and be willing to compromise on some things. So maybe your fiancé just doesn't give a rip about what you will receive. But for the darling that does, be ready to compromise. Male and female tastes often differ, but think how miserable you would be if your husband did all the registering and told you what items were going to be in your apartment/house for the rest of your life! Getting his input and even "caving in" on some items is good training for a lifetime of compromise in your marriage.
3. Allow some time! Registering is not a one-day deal, nor usually a one-store deal. We looked at china roughly ten times before we decided what we wanted. Be persistent and make sure you find what you want. This country has so many stores and so many possibilities! Even if you find your china in a small, inconvenient boutique, chances are they will either have an 800 number or a web page so that guests can get ahold of them. Just make sure you don't ONLY register at inconvenient places.
4. Choose stores that are convenient for your guests. If you have people coming from out of town, large department stores such as Dillard's and Macy's have locations in most cities. You just need to register in one of their stores - the registry can then be accessed from any store in the country. Other chains such as Williams-Sonoma and Crate and Barrel have countrywide locations as well. Many stores today also have online registries - the ultimate in convenience! Register at two or more places, so guests have options.
5. Register for plenty of items in a wide range of prices. You want your guests to have variety when they shop for you. As a buyer, it's frustrating to see only a few items. It's also nice to have more items for the late gift-givers so they do not feel backed into buying something they think is boring. It's important to remember that people spend different amounts of money on wedding gifts. Giving guests a wide range of price options helps you not to seem pretentious and also comforts the buyer by realizing that you won't turn your nose up at a modest gift. Every little thing helps! I actually preferred receiving the "practical" gifts, such as mixing spoons, rather than crystal bowls. Modest items are also appropriate for shower gifts and can make great gift baskets when combined!
6. Choose stores that carry many items that you like. Since you may end up returning duplicate gifts and those that you decide really do not fit into your décor, register at stores where you like plenty of the merchandise. You'd be amazed at how quickly returned merchandise adds up and you want to be able to use that money for items you want! At department stores, for instance, you can spend that store credit on furniture, electronics, and even clothes!
7. Find an effective way to "get the word out". If people do not know where you are registered, you may end up with a pile of gifts you don't like and can't return. Rather than having to give away the gifts at a "White Elephant" party, figure out how to spread the news. Mothers are usually a great way, as are shower invitations. The proper bride technically should not tell where she is registered unless she is asked, so keep that in mind, but realize that if you have many out-of-towners, it's easier to just jump online to your wedding homepage to find out where you're registered rather than making a long-distance call. Just be gracious about it and people will usually appreciate the information. Just don't put it in the wedding invitation - major faux pas!
8. Realize that not everyone wants to buy something from your registry. I've been told that some guests do not like to buy from registries because they don't want you to know how much they spent. So be prepared for some interesting gifts that may not be quite what you had dreamed about. If you're lucky and if you've registered "smart", guests might still buy you something from one of the stores where you are registered if they have a wide range of merchandise. Then you can easily return it for something you might like!
9. If you are registering for china, silver, and crystal, make sure you really like it! These high-ticket fineries are items you will have to live with for a long time, so go ahead and register for what you like, even if you think it's a bit too pricey. Chances are you don't need it right away and if you don't receive it all on your wedding day, your family will often help fill the gap for holidays, anniversaries, or "just because". If you decide to go for the best, refer to Point 4 and fill out your registry with less expensive items.
10. Write your thank-you notes promptly! Although you technically have up to a year to write thank-you notes, write them as soon as possible. Guests want to know that their gifts arrived safely and that you've acknowledged their generosity. No need to be verbose - just sincere. If you receive gifts before the wedding and want to send some thank-you notes, many companies will print cards that have your first names on them, rather than the traditional "Mr. And Mrs. X". Wait to send those cards until you are actually married.

This article was contributed by Elizabeth Downing.